try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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