Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's blow job season.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
