So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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