If that was your dad, he is hot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
