ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
