I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
