I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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