We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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