Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
