Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
