It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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