I wanna passion pit in your ass
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
