In the future we'll all be gay
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
