I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
