she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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