am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
