Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
