Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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