Michael Bay diarrhea
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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