I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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