I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
being pregnant is like rehab
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
