Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
vagina is talking i cant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
