I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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