K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
