Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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