every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
