i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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