Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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