I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
