This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
