honey bunches of taint.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
