i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
