I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
