she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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