ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
