Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
