My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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