yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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