i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
