On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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