im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
