I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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