I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
