how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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