I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
