I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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