Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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