she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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