My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
