This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
