I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
