Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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